Saturday, April 30, 2011

Happy Birthday to my Mama

Today is the birthday of my Mama. If she didn't passed away 11 years ago she would be 76 years old today. I missed her very much. She is a very good wife,  a greatest mother,  a good daughter and the best teacher to her students and children.
Growing up I am a witnessed of her being a disciplinarian. My father is a sales rep and so my father is not with us for sometimes months. Therefore, my mother is the one who disciplined us. She is tough and she is stingy. As a teacher she thought as good values in life. Growing up she never spank us but she talked to us and sometimes hollered us as specially if we don't listened. She thought me to be responsible in early age. As the eldest of the three siblings she thought me all the household work, do the marketing, and learned how to prioritize. Before, looking back I don't like the way she treated me I thought at that time she is so unfair!  I don't hang out with friends nor be courted by boys. She is so strict to me specially boys. My parents told us to finished college get a job and that's the time when we have to go serious with boys. I said to myself, by that time all the boys are gone lol!!  
My mom thought me how to pray. She thought me how to pray the novena's, to observe the event at church. But she was never pushy. She trusted me and the siblings and that if we go wrong then we have to pay the consequence. But she was always there like when my sister got pregnant. That's when I found out and witnessed that aside from her being disciplinarian she was the ultimate mother everybody would have. She still accepted my sister even I was fuming mad that she should not tolerate what she did!! But a mother is a mother, they have this unconditional love to us....and at that time I don't understand it why. 
As a mom she is willing to sacrifice and do all for us. She worked as a teacher for 36 years. And it can't be denied and because we are also a dysfunctional family, there are problems from time specially when my sister and her husband got hooked with drugs. When my sister got pregnant I did understand why she accepted her but when they hooked with drugs I definitely don't understand why my mother STILL accepted them and forgive them and even helped them!! I am a volcano ready to explode and I did!! 
By the time when she faced the tremendous problem in our family it was when I saw her as faithful to God as anybody I knew of. I realized that by her faith that made her hopeful that my sister and her husband will gonna change and she showed them love to the utmost degree. 
She was the most lovable person and the most soft spoken mama ever. I am so thankful that in her last years in life I had the chance to bond with her. I was in the convent when I found out that she was so sick. I didn't hesitate to leave the convent and spend time with her and help her ease the problems and pain she had. And I think I did it pretty well. We became so close we go retreats together, go to seminars at church, go to mass together and just give her happiness in spite that I knew through her eyes that something in her heart is missing and that my sister. 
I knew that she is in heaven. After 60 days she died I had a dream about her. She was clothed in a white dress and this light is shining at her back ground and it  looked like it blinded you but when I looked at it, I found out it's not. Then I saw my mama, I call her and tried to hugged her but I can't it seems that she is so closed but can't hold of her. I feel that I am in a different place and that I feel not  fitting to where she is. Then she was gone. 
                                I missed my mom very much. She is the best and the greatest!