At bumuhos na lang.....
I do experienced it all too like very excited and happy when the pilot will announced that we are just 5 minutes away from Manila or our plane is starting to descend ohhh my heart is like jumping in excitement and happiness. I remember the first time I went to visit my family in the Philippines (2005) I cried when I arrived in our house. Because I was thinking that my mother was there waiting for me but reality check she was gone long time ago. That makes me cry because I felt I missed her that much.
This time my 5th visit, I found out that I already know how to handle my feeling I just didn't burst into tears everytime I arrived in our house. But I feel the emptyness but the feeling doesn't last long because my nieces and nephew makes me laugh at all times.
After one week me and my niece went to the grave of my parents and nephew. It was strange because I felt bad but didn't shed any tears. I just felt cool at that time. I brought flowers and candles and stayed there for awhile.
Then my last Sunday came and we all went to my parents grave. Since my parents grave was located right in my mothers hometown I decided to visit my mothers brother and spend time there and had lunch with them with my nieces and nephew. But before we went to my Uncles house we went first to my parents grave. We lighted candles and chit-chat for awhile. After spending time there and the candles are almost halfway down it was time to go. All my nieces and nephew and my sister started to walked away when I managed to take a picture of my parents grave at a distance. After I took the picture I just snapped!! I cried and cried I can't control it anymore bumuhos na lang talaga ang mga luha na I make it kimkim for a long time I was there. I felt the longing of a parents love, of their presence. I could feel the pain inside me. One of my niece noticed it and she ran to everybody telling them that I was crying she was so concern I felt they cared so much for me they came to me and with a childish question they asked me what makes me cry so I told them because I missed my mama and papa and that it will take another year to visit them again. They understand it too well they just nod and keep quite.
I just didn't cry but I wept after I took this picture it was an emotion I didn't expect. I remember it too well after I took the picture I say something like "Bye Ma bye Pa" then I snapped that's like that. I thought the well runs dry already but I realize it would never be dry.