Sunday, July 26, 2009

At bumuhos na lang.....

Every pinoy or pinay who came home or visit Philippines is feeling full of excitement and happiness right? Because we are back to our native land and we gonna see our families, relatives, friends and neighbors. We can eat the food that we crave for, we can eat plenty of fruits in our hearts delight and many more reason to be happy. 

I do experienced it all too like very excited and happy when the pilot will announced that we are just 5 minutes away from Manila or our plane is starting to descend ohhh my heart is like jumping in excitement and happiness. I remember the first time I went to visit my family in the Philippines (2005) I cried when I arrived in our house. Because I was thinking that my mother was there waiting for me but reality check she was gone long time ago. That makes me cry because I felt I missed her that much.

This time my 5th visit, I found out that I already know how to handle my feeling I just didn't burst into tears everytime I arrived in our house. But I feel the emptyness but the feeling doesn't last long because my nieces and nephew makes me laugh at all times.

After  one week me and my niece went to the grave of my parents and nephew. It was strange because I felt bad but didn't shed any tears. I just felt cool at that time. I brought flowers and candles and stayed there for awhile. 

Then my last Sunday came and we all went to my parents grave. Since my parents grave was located right in my mothers hometown I decided to visit my mothers brother and spend time there and had lunch with them with my nieces and nephew. But before we went to my Uncles house we went first to my parents grave. We lighted candles and chit-chat for awhile. After spending time there and the candles are almost halfway down  it was time to go. All my nieces and nephew and my sister started to walked away when I managed to take a picture of my parents grave at a distance. After I took the picture I just snapped!! I cried and cried I can't control it anymore  bumuhos na lang talaga ang mga luha na I make it kimkim for a long time I was there. I felt the longing of a parents love, of their presence. I could feel the pain inside me. One of my niece noticed it and she ran to everybody telling them that I was crying she was so concern I felt they cared so much for me they came to me and with a childish question they asked me what makes me cry so I told them because I missed my mama and papa and that it will take another year to visit them again. They understand it too well they just nod and keep quite. 

I just didn't cry but I wept after I took this picture it was an emotion I didn't expect. I remember it too well after I took the picture I say something like "Bye Ma bye Pa" then I snapped that's like that. I thought the well runs dry already but I realize it would never be dry. 

9 comments:

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Going to the graves of your parents will really induced sad moments of emptiness because you sorely missed them. Yung pagdagsa ng luha ay normal lamang dahil matagal mong kinimkim ang emotions mo. It's good that you let it burst out. At least now you feel relieved and peaceful. One day you will have that privilege of seeing them again in front of the Lord. Thanks for the post. God bless you always.

ryliej said...

ako ganun pa din lalo na nung second time kasi nga may namatay,... hay buhay..

john said...

Yup, same way with my feeling now.. I am on my countdown of our return to mainland..

Clarissa said...

Thanks for sharing,Ate Kim--I know how hard it was to lost someone you love.They're in heaven right now and watching you...

iamhoney said...

Hello Kim! I hope it's okay that I tagged you! PLease check the link: http://iamhoney.wordpress.com/2009/07/29/prayer-tag/ thank you!

Mom of Four said...

Hi Manang Kim,
I understand what you feel. I do thw same when I go to the Philippines, I visit my father's grave. Now, I visited 2. My father's and my grandmother's. I used to cry all the time when I go to the cemetery, but now I just think, they are in a better place and they don't hurt anymore. What makes me cry is the thought of my father dying without me on his side. same as my grandma, but oh well..life is such. I hope you enjoyed your vacation, coz I did...Take care..

Meryl (proud pinay) said...

nakakalungkot talaga kapag wala ang magulang sa tabi...nakakamiss ang yakap at saya... nung mga panahong lumipas...

Beth said...

Hi Manang Kim! Uuwi ako sa Philippines bukas (July 31) at ngayon pa lang masayang masaya na ako. Yung uwi ko noong 2005 ang pinaka-malungkot kasi iyon ang time na iniwan na kami ng Papa namin... Mahal na mahal namin sya :(

Neneng(aka baning/banot) said...

Ate Kim,

Welcome back, i'm glad you had a great time there. We can't wait na to fly there and soak in the beach.